10. You can think in Morse Code.
9. Breakfast: Unfiltered Lucky Strikes.
8. You refer to lovemaking as 'Operation: Multiply'.
7. Shoe phone rings at all hours of the night.
6. Closest friends call you 'comrade'.
5. Those cyanide capsules hidden in your necktie.
4. Someone keeps bugging your Corn Flakes.
3. Message on the machine: 'Pigeon has landed. Tin Man ready for oil'.
2. You eat your mail after reading it.
1. You don't know your real name.