10. He borrows your favorite red dress...and it's not Halloween
9. His idea of commitment is consistently buying the same brand of soda at the local Acme.
8. His mailing address begins, "Cell Block..."
7. He spends so much time looking at cyberporn that he wears out his hard drive, leaving you with a floppy.
6. His idea of foreplay consists of a conversation with the Wal-mart clerk checking out his Trojans.
5. He doesn't even wait until after sex to fall asleep.
4. His wife never leaves you any hot water in the morning.
3. His mother refers to you as "that slut he's shacking up with".
2. His father refers to you as "that slut he's shacking up with" and asks what night you're free.
1. You've been together for two years and he hasn't introduced you to his boyfriend yet.